Valentines Day, Cliches, Hallmark Holidays, and Oneness for the ‘Still’ Single
Benny waiting for me to come home. Photo, by Laurel Herman
Guest Blog Feature by Laurel Herman
Valentines Day, it’s a big business, and in my line of work, we sell love through food. Don’t get me wrong, I love food and romance. I romanticize food ALL the time in photos and descriptions. I even have an Aphrodisiac class this weekend. I tell the story every year from the movie “Like Water for Chocolate.” My favorite tale of love, where Tita’s love is all up in her food. It’s a sexy class, I love to see my couples class make out in the kitchen, dance (yeah, they do that because I’m playing Al Green), make a great meal, and simply have a fun night. I am by all counts a true romantic.
This past year I’ve made a real commitment to spending as much time alone as possible in my own aura. It’s by far been one of the best years of my life. Another Valentines Day is upon us, and I’m what people call “still single.” So you might read the above paragraph and come out with some spiritual cliche ( BS)/advice about me ( or you for that matter) or convince yourself that we are not believing we deserve that kind of love, that those couples have. You couldn’t be further from the truth.
I never thought I‘d sound like one of those cliches, but here we are. It really is all about self-love. There I said it. I recently went on a date. The gentleman asked me what I thought romance was. I replied,” romance is remembering to put the toilet seat down, it’s showing up when you say you will, its the day to day unromantic things that are romantic, it’s a kind of devotion that’s a rare find.” I guess you could say after 65 years, I’m pretty jaded. But let’s not judge that either. Experience is a great teacher. Comes with the territory right? So is noticing, I’ve come to love my alone time. Ah, the gift that comes with age.
There is this wonderful meme circulating. “I want someone I can share my entire life with, who will leave me alone most of the time.”
For those addressing loneliness, Krishna Das has a 2012 workshop, on youtube on Love and Relationships. “What we are really looking for is a hit, we want to be seen through loving eyes. ” I’m paraphrasing here”, We are fooling ourselves if we think we can find that in another person.” Relationships are business, give and take. You give me this, I give you that, do your business ” It’s my favorite talk in the world to listen to. ” What we are really looking for is a ONENESS.”
Maybe it’s more about the loves IN your life and not so much” The” love OF your life.
I’m sitting here typing on this rainy February day, thinking about my dog Benny and how we are such life partners, as most animal companions are. He barks, I get annoyed ( as does everyone else). But he sits in the window waiting for me the moment I walk out the door. That love doesn’t exist in humans. There isn’t a day that passes, I am not completely besotted with him. I feel completely loved, and in a relationship with everything around me (except when I’m pissed off, but I have friends for that too). My friendships, the close ones, that have stood the test of time, the new ones that I cherish, I still have my mother, I have the most wonderful adult kids, one could ever hope for. And I love my work. All to say:
I’m pretty happy.
The homogenized Hallmark holiday has a 24-hour news cycle. By Feb 15, it will all be over. The real love story is every day, the rain, the dog sitting in the window, the friend who picks up the phone. This is my “recipe”. Take heart, in every opportunity to love and Be” Still”. It’s good.
Love,
Laurel
The Blissed Out Chef
It’s More Than Just Food | www.itsmorethanjustfood.com
