Spread Too Thin?

I received a text from a thirty something Mother of two, she’s a well-known established patient, requesting an emergency session.

She exclaimed, “Thank you for seeing me so fast! I can’t catch my breath! I have so much anxiety. I am a nut and I’m losing it! I am short fused with my kids. I haven’t talked to my parents in a few weeks. This busy is Awful! I am so stressed running at a speed that’s making me uncomfortable! As a result, I’m angry, our house is a mess, everything feels chaotic! This is NOT living!!!! I commit to way too many simultaneous extracurricular activities for myself and the kids. I’m spending my summer sitting in the car!

I am in unfulfilling social circles. I leave events and feel crummy as they always seem to go like this……

“Your children aren’t going to camp this summer?

Are you excited about your new kitchen? Have you unpacked your dishes? Have you packed for your family vacation yet?”

I know people are well meaning but it feels like so much pressure to keep up! Why and with whom?! For what? Is it self imposed? I’m so confused! Why am I doing this to myself? It’s not a competition and no one is forcing me to live this way!

Driving kids to their activities, scrolling on social media way too much, volunteering, working 40hrs per week, meeting my friends after work and going to play dates with kids takes me away from our dog and our household responsibilities! Then I am more stressed as laundry piles up and nothing is getting done at home! There aren’t enough hours in the day! I notice our dog is eating everything!

I think he’s mad at me as we’re never home :(

I have created a life of chaos! I am noticing how bad I feel the majority of the time!!!!! The clutter of toys and clothing in the house drives me bonkers! My kids don’t need eight pairs of the same pants! I’m always getting carry out as we’re always go go go and no time to cook! I feel sick and crabby from processed food!

Any suggestions so I am not angry all of the time and especially in front of the kids?

My Response:

Breathe in your wisdom! It’s impressive you mindfully noticed your own stress level and called! Most people are just a hamster on the wheel or Ants Marching as Dave Matthews sings about, just going through the motions of life. Oblivious or not consciously aware that they actually have a say and a choice as to where their time is allocated.

Your anger is a symptom of the larger problem. We need to get to the root cause of the problem and make necessary changes to alleviate feelings of anger. It sounds like feeling overwhelmed and overextended is part of the root cause as well as doing mundane, unfulfilling tasks and often surrounding yourself with the wrong people. Sounds like you’re not carving out enough time for those who truly matter, your parents. Research indicates kids need time with grandparents, aunts/uncles and other older adults to mature! Did you spend time throughout you childhood with older adults? Kids don’t mature if they spend the majority of their time with their peers.

Try not to be too hard on yourself! I applaud you for noticing you’re not liking your daily life as it is!

The good news is everything is temporary and you don’t have to do what you’ve always done:)

Is next month as busy? If not, ask yourself these questions and begin tweaking things in your life!!!!

Be mindful when we go against the grain and proactively decide to do what’s uncomfortable and opt out of conforming to the mainstream, we can feel like we’re walking on our hands and not our feet! Go easy on yourself and recognize this life changing transformation is a process!

I asked her, What did you do as a child?

She replied, “ We went to the city pool with my mom everyday. I played in the pool with my sister and my mom read her book. We went home and had dinner, took a bath, watched a show and went to bed. That was it in the summer. My parents weren’t out on boats with their friends on weeknights, they didn’t play pickle ball, they were home. My dad golfed with my uncles twice monthly on Sunday. When they golfed, we played in the yard with our cousins while my mom and aunts played cards.”

My Response:

Often, we have the best of intentions yet get in our own way! Overcommitting is sort of like dessert, our eyes are bigger than our appetite and we suffer later. Social commitments sound fun yet we often regret making them, as the event approaches.

Try to emulate at least one thing from your childhood…….

Curtail Activities - Maybe it’s allowing your kids to stay home, utilizing their creative minds, playing in the yard!

Invite your parents over and play cards or hit golf balls with kids in the yard.

These simple pleasures are good for kids and less hassle than taking them to the zoo, (nothing against the zoo! I love animals, just everything in moderation).

Remove apps for social media on your Home Screen you’ll be less compelled to scroll! Out of sight, out of mind!

Decline Invitations - It’s OK to say no!

It’s OK to relax at home!

When we feel chaotic, often our house and cars will be a mess, reflecting our stress.

Mindfully notice your surroundings and what’s excessive. Remove all items that give you anxiety or just a yucky feeling.

Are you just sick of the item? Does it take up too much space? Does it feel heavy?

Mindfully notice what’s excessive and PURGE! Share your goods, pack them up and donate! You’ll feel lighter and so good and teach kids the importance about helping others in need!

Find Your Tribe! If you don’t have one, join me on a beach glass escape!

Just Remember….

Less is More:)

Marla, xo