Moving Forward Through Pet Loss
Humans often experience unbearable heartache when their pets die. There is a deep bond between people and their pets. Animals are phenomenal companions. They bring us joy, laughter, fun, and comfort. They accept every aspect of us, no matter what. They don’t judge, criticize, or hurt our feelings. They see us through life’s challenges and joyous occasions.
Pets truly become members of the family. They provide constant unconditional love!
The Back Story
Duncan was the first dog I bought from a local breeder. I named him Duncan as he reminded me of Duncan Hines yellow cake. I loved that yellow lab - heart and soul! He carried me through life transitions and the death of my Grandmother.
When Duncan was 10 years old, I noticed his abdomen was extremely swollen. I took him to the vet and was devastated to learn he had liver and spleen cancer. The vet said Duncan was at risk of “bleeding out”. I trusted my vet wholeheartedly yet was unable to follow the recommendation to put Duncan down immediately. I took him home, invited friends over and we fed Duncan filet mignon. The next morning my friend Mike and I went to the vet to put him down. The pain and heartbreak felt unbearable. I remember whaling on the phone to my father.
My dad said, “He was a dog”.
I said, ”He was my son!!!!!”
Downtown Dusty Brown
I couldn’t stand the quiet house. A few weeks later, I found Duncan’s AKC papers and his ancestry. My intent wasn’t to replace him, simply to have a part of him in a new pup! His bloodline guided me to a Labrador Retriever named Dusty.
Downtown Dusty Brown’s Website was like scrolling through Match.com! Female Labrador Retrievers bred with Dusty had their own profiles! I found my puppy and named him August as my favorite musician Dave Matthews had a son named August Oliver!
Bonding with August Oliver
After I married, August bonded quickly with my husband and his children.
He also became a therapy dog via Therapy Dog International. My husband and I took him to visit patients in hospitals and nursing homes. I recall he was the best gift for many patients on Christmas Day!
August was attuned to me, he spoke to my soul in the same way Dave Matthews’ lyrics did!
August actually spoke to everyone’s soul. He also guarded children like a hawk while they swam.
August only presented a challenge in the car! He was relentless, barking with excitement until we reached the Lake. He was obsessed with fetching. August, like his dad Dusty, was fast as lightning.
FC AFC HRCH Taylorlab Downtown Dusty Brown MH 04 Purina Hi Point Derby Champion.
After Dusty won Derby Champion and won 2nd place in the World retriever Championship as a 2 year old he was offered a spot on Team Eukanuba. We was on Eukanuba's Advisory Board for 10 years. Downtown Retrievers has a Facebook Page. Dusty and Suey (Suey will be introduced further on this blog) also have a Facebook page
August began limping during the summer of 2018. He was 11 and really began slowing down, his endurance while fetching drastically decreased.
Our breeder, Missy Heard, informed me of a litter from her dog Suey, (Dusty’s pup), and advised me the mother, Daisy, was very mellow. She felt a puppy from Suey and Daisy would be the perfect house pet and keep August young. We also wanted a puppy who could learn from August. We couldn’t imagine a home without Aug Dog!!!! I recognized we were experiencing anticipatory grief and knew a puppy would ease our sadness. I hated watching August suffer!
My husband, his boys and I named our new puppy Bleu. August and Bleu bonded immediately.
In November 2018, I came home late from work and August did not greet me at the door. That was a first! I eventually found him wedged underneath my step son’s bed. I recalled others saying dogs often hide when they’re sick. I felt sick.
August had trouble jumping onto our bed. My husband made him stairs. to make it easier for him. That night he lifted him onto our bed. Aug was short of breath and all the while at the foot of our bed, he looked back at me like, “take me out of this misery.” It broke my heart.
As the days went on, his shortness of breath was no longer for ten minutes each night, sadly it lasted all night, every night. I reluctantly called our vet for an appointment. August was not himself. He had accidents in our house. I just loved him and spoiled him through the Holidays.
We returned to the vet in February 2019. Kendall, his trainer met us at the vet. My husband and I knew it was time as August was as quiet as a church mouse in the car?! It was eerie and made me feel really sad. Our veterinarian said August likely had cancer and would not improve. He said if we took him home, we would likely return within a few weeks.
Wow, was I ever torn, unlike with Duncan, the decision was no longer just mine. My husband was balling his head off, I knew Kendall was hurting too. My husband said, “What’s the point? To buy us more time at his expense?! To make him suffer needlessly? He doesn’t deserve that! We’re here now!” We put August down that heartbreaking morning of February 8, 2019.
I remember second-guessing and calling my dog-loving friends, they all said similar things, “Is it ever the right time? You did the right thing. August had several conditions. He’s been really struggling for a long time. He couldn’t even walk three houses with that leg, watching him limp was heartbreaking. You love your labs like children, you would never ever do anything prematurely, it was time.”
Here’s my post to social media that received 309 comments and 264 likes, (simply more evidence that our pets are truly a part of our families):
It was with an Extremely Heavy Heart, Very sad as we made the difficult decision to put August down. He Touched Soooo Many Lives and Gave so much Love!!!! We did not want him to endure more unnecessary suffering, pain or the humiliation of deteriorating from sickness as he was no longer being able to go for long walks, fetch and swim as he enjoyed! This fine gentleman deserved to go out on Top! Louie, the boys & I were incredibly blessed to have such an incredible dog! We thank Missy Heard for our beautiful Dusty pup!!!!!!!! We Thank our extraordinary dog trainer, Kendall, who loved him like her own, for contributing to such an amazing dog! We’re going to miss this gentle soul! I know he will see Duncan at the Rainbow Bridge! Please keep August’s brother Bleu in your prayers as he’s surely going to miss his companion
Reframing Grief
So many minimize the grief they’re enduring after their pet dies. We conceal our sadness. It is incredibly difficult to make the decision to put our pet down! The guilt can consume us! It’s important to reframe our thoughts surrounding this decision, recognizing our irrational thoughts and the opinions of others as you most certainly don’t want to live without your pet! It’s important to take comfort in knowing you’re making the most compassionate decision on behalf of your pet!
Our society is horrible with grief and loss as it pertains to humans, let alone our pets! Many tend to be hard on themselves saying, “I’ve been so irritable lately and I don’t know why? It seems silly to still be sad regarding our dog”.
I compassionately remind them that pet loss is extremely difficult. Our pets see us at our best, our worst, and often carry us through our most difficult times. People often deny the severity of emotional pain associated with this loss. Expectations of themselves to repress their feelings of sadness seemingly often imposed by a culture that teaches to simply get on with life.
Be sure to recognize picking up ashes will be extremely difficult. Have someone go with you and be kind to yourself. Paw prints, photos, and collars can be very comforting! We gave Kendall August’s collar and a paw print.
Engaging in self-care is extremely important in the midst of grief. Be mindful we’re triggered by pet stores, holidays, folks walking their dogs, tv commercials, all in the same way grief blindsides us when we lose our person. Death is never easy. Going home can be agonizing. Everyone experiences grief differently depending on the relationship with the deceased. Research shows that pet loss can be even more difficult than losing a person. It can also trigger previous losses of pets and humans. Go easy on yourself. Tend to your basic needs. Grief can be all-consuming and exhausting, even when it’s a four-legged friend! Many feel they can never endure the heartache of pet loss again! Some find a quiet house even more heartbreaking. Follow your heart and do what is best for you!
I had an artist, Kathleen Eaton create a beautiful painting of August and Bleu! She captured the essence of August’s eyes so beautifully, it’s as if he greets me each morning! I visualize August & Duncan running together, fast as lightning, swimming and fetching frisbees.
